STEP 1
BETRAYAL
Betrayal comes in different guises.
Different types of betrayal:
• When a partner deceives you
• When people lie to you
• When someone cheats and robs you
• When people gossip behind your back
• When children trust their parents not to hurt them
• When you are let down by someone you trusted, i. e. Root / Alter ego / Boss / Cache / Wife / Child / Sibling
• When you feel humiliated by someone
• When you are betrayed by your parents
• When you are betrayed by your body
• When you are betrayed by society
When your partner betrays / deceives you.
When you are betrayed by your partner, the emotions you experience are extreme. If, and when, this happens you must not accept all the blame or think that the motive this has happened is ‘ your fault. ’ It does not miserly that you are unworthy and unable to sustain a healthy relationship. It says more about your partner’ s inability to be true and honest in their thoughts and actions. However, you will interrogation your intuition and perception in mistake to detect that your relationship was label towards a rocky path. Your interrogation your feminine description and the actuality you both common. In short you feel a fool.
If you have been betrayed and are struggling with this motor response, you will experience the following emotions:
• Shock, abnegation and numbness
• Denial ( hiding away from the truth that has emerged )
• Anger and hurt
• Unhappiness and agony
• Panic and Anxiety
• Prostration
• Depression.
• Loss of confidence
• No self - worth
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The considerable brochure is consonant to that of the grieving process you experience when someone dies.
Sampling of this type of betrayal:
A adept business woman told me that she was having an affair. Her advance had been ill, for some considerable time, suffering from depression. His depression was due to a substantial loss of resources, when his ‘ established’ business had hit scrape and been liquidated. This direction had resulted in her advance having regular counseling, in the primary healthcare setting, and also taking prescribed anti - depressants to help him deal with his situation.
This lady could not explain why her conserve was reacting to this longitude so badly, and had no patience with him over this contention. She led a very busy practiced, internal and social life and was finding her support an encumbrance. Apparently, the affair had been admitted some time before the business disintegrated, thanks to there had been no sense between her and her carry on for some considerable time. To be cheated on is bad enough, but to miscreant when your partner is experiencing major pecuniary loss and an emotional readjustment, is a double betrayal.
When people lie to you
People, often, are infrequently totally honest in relationships. It’ s the law of survival. You only get told what the other person wants you to know. Details, ( unseen agendas ) etc., forge ahead esoteric most of the time. Perceptive this will help you discern the games people play in relationships. The dishonesty needn’ t be detrimental to your relationship. Sometimes the dishonesty is used to short - cut an explanation or to dissolve an argument, i. e.
Symbol:
Problem: What time did you get home from work tonight?
Answer: About 5. 30 p. m.
You might drop the detail that you called in at the supermarket on your way home as this information is of no racket to your partner. Does that make you a liar?
If, however, you have something denoting to stash, the same question answered could have consequences, i. e.
Illustration:
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Issue: What time did you get home from work tonight?
Answer: About 5. 30 p. m.
You deliberately avoid telling the truth, that you bumped into an senescent flame and went for a coffee with them. In not speaking the truth you are being secretive in keeping that information from your partner. This indicates that you know that concourse up with an old flame would be unacceptable to your partner. It also indicates that you might be tempted to repeat the locus.
Self Esteem
The self - esteem, self confidence and self - worth that should be, naturally, yours is, temporarily, depleted during times of betrayal. It is hard to value and love yourself when someone has betrayed you. The person who has betrayed you has devalued you in the most intimate, personal way.
Self - esteem is an essential ingredient in any healthy relationship. If you respect, and like yourself, you will feel confident and able to interact with your peers. Without self - esteem you will fail away and emotionally disable yourself in the process. Self - esteem is a unsubstantial feeling. At the ‘ drop of a hat’ it can vanish into thin air. Self - esteem begins in prime. During your innocence, the emotional, physical nurturing and learned behaviour that you experience, are absorbed and establishes patterns that are automatically stored in your memory box, ( that is your mind ). These patterns are the blueprint of your thoughts and behaviour that you will automatically link to and repeat throughout your life.
For many people, it takes dotage to achieve good self - esteem. It should be allowed to build up within you and is obtained as a outcropping of achieving some measure of personal fulfillment and success. This personal success gives you a feel good factor which, in turn, makes you honored of your achievement however small that achievement might be. Even though it may take time for you to develop a good self - esteem, it can be demolished in a cut of an eye if it is undermined with constant putdowns and ridicule. Self esteem should be nurtured and allowed to extend developing.
Ideal of low self - esteem:
A guy told me that he felt contracted thanks to he had come to realize that he had been intimidating his partner for some time. This had become apparent to him when he noticed that she was unable to answer the telephone in case she oral the awry thing. When forced to answer the phone, she would oscillate and hand the phone over to anyone somewhat than survive with the conversation. He had also noticed that she was taking their eldest child with her when doing the almanac food shopping. All this had come about when a work soul mate was confident enough to confront him at work telling him to stop
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controlling, manipulating and intimidating him. This confrontation with his roommate forced him to think how he was being perceived by others and he recognized that he was behaving in this way with everyone he came into contact with. He felt very bad about what he had done and asked what he could do to change his ways and be more applicable and encouraging of his wife.
When someone cheats and robs you
The dictionary explanation of uncalled-for is:
• An act of deception
• An act of charlatan, imposture or imposition.
Wrong characteristically is used to create an partisan advantage over someone, and recurrently at the cost of others. There is crumb worse than someone unprincipled you, duping you, raiding you.
Most people would yes that they would reasonably give something away, willingly, than be cheated by someone who is prepared to get what they want at any cost.
Sample: Someone I know sent away for a set of CD’ s on ‘ enlightenment. ’ On obtaining the CD’ s he decided that, whilst they were excellent value for money, he would quite copy them and ride the originals back. Thereby, not wealthy for them and partial the sender.
“ I understanding that lesson ironic as the CD’ s explained how to attain a higher level of consciousness. ” What a Villain.
When people gossip behind your back:
If, and when, you trust someone you expect them to be constant in word and deed.
That trust is directly doomed if they pass on to besides person the stuff you have told them in confidence. We all have secrets; some secrets are larger than others. The last thing we want is for those confidences to be passed on to bounteous person without our consent.
Examples:
• If you appropriate someone for coffee and your partner finds out from new person ( an innocent encounter with a main man / comrade can turn into a vile latitude, if wrongly portrayed )
• If someone makes up stories about you to put you in a bad light
• If someone deliberately tells lies in method to put you down and upgrade themselves
• If someone repeats something you have spoken and adds more to the story
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• If someone sabotages your ideas and uses those ideas for themselves
• If you purchase an item of costume that was high-priced and you told your partner that it was in need in a sale. You tell a bosom buddy the true cost of the garment and your amigo slips up and tells your partner the true cost of the item you purchased
A cheat gives a ready ear to mischievous talk, and a liar listens to slander. " ( Prov 17: 4 Cusp ).
When children trust their parents not to hurt them
Children give unconditional love. Unconditional love is, loving without conditions limitations or reservations.
Children are innocent and have not after all found out the ways of the world. They have no expectations. They just are. They look to those people who care for them with impair trust and if this trust is abused then their self - esteem will be low and they will have no self - worth.
In series to raise a child’ s self - esteem you have to carry on, stilt, encourage and excite all their efforts. It is the guilt of parents to look after them and guide their corridor to boost. If this nurturing is negative then the child will be unable to place any value on who they are and what they achieve in their life.
When you are let down by someone you trusted
All of us, at one transaction or other, have understanding a site in which we have found ourselves not original heavier person. Sometimes there is no everyday reason for this. It’ s just a awareness, intuition, torpedo reaction. Ofttimes we are unable to point up the activity. First impressions, in my speculation, are important and shouldn’ t be roused lightly. Phrases like ‘ I wouldn’ t trust him / her as downreaching as I could toss them, ’ frolic out in these case.
Intuition:.
Intuition is a held dear tool. It can lead you to the core of a problem and presentation you the way. Intuition is within you, you feel it in the pit of your stomach. You can learn to recognize and develop your intuition by listening to your inner voice. With practice your intuition can be easily known and utlised and is a serviceable tool in relationships.
What does not unsophisticated someone parsimonious?
• It agency that you have doubts as to their rectitude
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• It agency you are upset inspection their issues and motives
• It thing you have no confidence in their ability to keep a confidence
• It will affect how you will respond to them
• It portion you will not tell that person anything you are not jittery to explore back through someone amassed
• It stops you being unschooled
• You will think, twice, before you speak
• It will erode your relationship with that person
• The relationship with that person will not be meaningful
• You will be unable to grow and develop with that person
• If you have had ‘ trust issues’ previously you will be even more wary
• You will be looking for double meanings and imperceivable agendas during conversations
• Thanks to trust is an essential element in relationships, the relationship will lack quality and substance
When you feel humiliated by someone
‘ Disrepute is literally the act of being made sedate, or meager in standing or prestige. However, the term has much in common with the reaction of obloquy. Disfavour is not, in general, a pleasant experience as it reduces the identity. ’
The affect being humiliated has on you is:
• Lowers your self - esteem
• Reduces the pride you have in yourself
• Made to feel inferior
• Made to feel weakly
• Knocks your singularity
• Disrepute is emotional abuse
• Being bullied
• Being intimidated
• Can have long lasting development on your attention
When you are betrayed by your parents
Patterns of behaviour
Your decoration of reflection and behaviour are recognized during innocence. You adopt these patterns by copying the behviour of those people meeting to you ( role models ). If, however, you experienced the following in your own ignorance:
• Neglect ( physically and emotionally )
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• Ignored
• Isolated
• Never having praise
• Abused physically
• Abused emotionally
• Were lied to
• Homely frenzy
Then, these difficulties, you have experienced and absorbed, have formed the foundation for your anticipation and behaviour patterns which will, negatively, affect your behaviour and self - esteem in upping.
When you are betrayed by your body
We are living in a culture that promotes health and physical fitness. Your body image and physical appearance is important to you, and it does affect the way you are perceived by others. How betrayed do you feel when your body becomes mis - shaped, older, diseased / infected?
• Embarrassed ( spots, eye bags, hair loss )
• Shameful ( hairs growing on your chin ) etc.
• Disappointed ( skin sagging )
• Tearful
• Downbeat
• Angry
• Hostile
• Frightened
• Worried
• Frustrated
• Unclean
These are only some of the emotions you experience when you feel your body has let you down. This is especially so if you have always, taken pride and looked after yourself, eaten healthily, exercised often, looked after your skin, etc.
It is entirely usual to have some of these feelings about yourself and your body after being diagnosed as suffering from a honest sickness.
On a more positive note, if you are, or have, experienced physical problems and / or a determined ailment you can also feel:
• Illustrious of the way your body has coped with the malady
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• Grateful for your body’ s resilience and stamina
Making the most of your good nature and pike yourself positively will have benefits. Betrayed by Society
You may feel that society has let you down. This can happen if you are:
• Unemployed
• Lack congruous education
• Isolated
• Fighting for weight benefits in uniformity to survive
• Worried about health - care
• In a juvenescence formation
• Marginalised by an unpopular, unacceptable indisposition ( HIV + )
You should have the convenience of gaining suitable education and employment. If these two things are denied you then you will feel betrayed by society.
You may have experienced a long wait for an appointment to be admitted into hospital, or experienced difficulty in receiving a dentist / physiotherapy, etc.
It is important that you feel cared for and inestimable as a human being. It is the very essence of being accepted and courteous by others which forms part of the quality of your life. If this is not provided, by exterior forces ( society ) then you should take alertness and develop a way of acceptance self - esteem by other methods.
EXCERPT FROM ' LIFE AFTER BETRYAL ' A PRACTICAL GUIDE
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