Recently, I was interviewed for an on - line radio showing; the topic of discussion was awareness and awareness as paths to consciousness. Here are the questions and my answers. May my answers be food for cerebration and acquiesce you to more intensely muse your own life.
The first issue asked me to talk about self - awareness from my perspective and why it is important. My answer: Let me start by defining awareness. It is word that has brought you to this present moment - your beliefs, emotions, feelings, and reactions to all your life experiences. Awareness includes apparatus you have taken in and are taking in with your five sense: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell, as well as using your sixth sense of intuition. Much of our awareness is unconscious to us. As we study ourselves, we become more and more self - aware. This is the key to improving adjustment - making; to make choices that are in organism with what we want to create in our lives.
Debate digit two asked me to talk about recognition and consciousness as paths to self - awareness. Here is my answer: Mind comes from the Buddhist tradition and is about auspicious attention to what is happening to us now, in the present moment. It is tuning - in to all experiences, both the good - sense ones and the negative - innervation ones, in adjustment to feel, learn, and know what is going on within. Instead of shying away from the negative, we stay present and really experience whatever is going on, just as we do when we have fun, transported experiences. This builds self - awareness and leads to more aware choices in the later.
Much of the time we aren ' t really champion attention to what is currently happening to us, or to the people with whom we spend time. Instead, we daydream about what we will do in the later or go over and over something in our mind that happened in the ended. We find ourselves emotionally reacting to other people or situations when they surprise or bother us, tolerably than being able to make better choices with our words, actions, and responses. When mindful, we really participate in our moment - to - moment experiences - motility them, enjoying them, or learning from them. Practicing flashback moves us in the direction of greater self - awareness, which allows us the power of choice and to get the most out of our life day to day.
Consciousness is a very expansive thing to narrate. One way to sympathize consciousness is that it is the Universal Intelligence ( Jehovah, Universe ) in which we all live and procedure and have our being. It is the Source of our existence, our creativity, imagination, intuition, inner competent, and unconditional love; and it is what responds to our thoughts, feelings, and prayers. To expand our different consciousness makes us more and more consciously aware.
One way to build conscious awareness is to learn to look below the surface of our experiences. I ' ll use an iceberg to instance consciousness. What is known and conscious to us relates to the part of the iceberg senior the water. The larger part of the iceberg, however, is below the surface and unconscious to us. To improve the quality of our lives to become self - aware, it is important to go below the surface to look at our specification - personalities - the issues, patterns, hardy responses, fears, habits, and attitudes that we want to change. Looking below the surface of our problems and issues, we find causes and, since, have more information available to help us change, heal, and grow.
An sampling of how I grew in self - awareness by looking below the surface to understand an affair involved Girl Scout cookies. A few elderliness ago I had an agreement with myself to eat healthier foods. So that tide I chose to not buy Girl Scout cookies; however, my two teenage daughters did and kept them in their quarters. One morning one daughter and I got in a heated argument as she troglodytic the house for inculcate. I was consciousness ablaze and had strength in my stomach and damage; and I had no way to communicate my side of the argument at that moment. What did I do? I marched upstairs and opened a box of Thin Mints I found in one of the girls ' lodgings and began eating them until I determined down. Of course a few minutes next I was angry at myself for breaking the agreement with myself to eat healthier.
I chronicle - scribble when I am spilled. With that process, what I ajar below the surface of my awareness that day was that I had a need to not feel my annoying feelings and wanted to quickly get back to a hushed, peaceful morning as I had planned. Unfortunately, I did this by eating chocolate and sugar. I then kept writing about the latitude, my feelings, what I wanted to say to my daughter, and what I wanted to do next time I got so dismayed. Hereafter, I wanted to be more mindful in the imminent when these situations come up, to feel the bitter feelings and not run away from them, and to magazine - knock off instead of eating cookies. This was new to me - to stop avoiding and to go into my unpleasant feelings. More insights would surface with repeatitive journaling.
To reiterate, there are two important ways to build consciousness and shift us along on the path of self - awareness. One is to practice being more mindful in the moment and the second is to be more conscious of what is really going on below the surface of our experiences. Self - awareness really is the key to greater freedom and happiness.
The next dispute asked me to clarify a real life " success story " seat a couple made a difference in their relationship by becoming more mindful and conscious of their interactions.
One couple came to mind. Ted and Sing started their marriage like a lot of people do - unconsciously. After a moment, each was very teary about the marriage. They sought there help which made a huge difference in their lives; and they are very gladly married to this day.
Ted didn ' t have many male friends and depended upon his wife to be his " best other self, " beloved, and confidante. He was resentful that Sing wanted to spend time with her friends; it regularly seemed she enjoyed herself more with friends than she did with him. Enhanced attribute of the locale was that Ted had a successful career but didn ' t feel totally fulfilled in his job, so he expected fulfillment to come from his marriage.
The more Ted demanded time with his wife, the more resentful she became and the more she pulled away from him emotionally. Sometimes Warble would cancel other plans to be with Ted, but only to avoid an argument and his anger. Over time, trying to please her guard created hostility in Chorus.
Therapy helped this couple and they each took engagement for the part they were playing in this drama once it became clear. Time was spent figuring out the cause of the wife ' s protest and to encourage the provide to create some fulfilling things to do facade of work and home.
Carol remembered her parents ' tedious and hostile marriage. They worked together every day and never seemed to have time apart from one extended. When she remembered her parents, Trill uttered it did not feel good to be around them as they were niggardly to each other and fought a lot. As conflict grew in her own marriage, Chorus wanted space, so she would not repeat what she experimental her parents doing. This penetration helped Trill be more mindful that there were more options than neatly getting away from her advance. For precedent, she and Ted could have honest discussions about her needs and they could learn constructive ways to resolve conflict.
Ted looked at his issues too and was hoping to find more things to do with his spare time.
He learned it was satisfying to get involved with charity work and sports with other males. This enabled him to develop closer friendships with other men who mutual common interests. Suddenly, he wasn ' t waiting around for his wife anymore. Her respect for him grew, which caused her to want to be with him more. She no longer felt devolving on for Ted ' s happiness. Once both gained divination into their discrete family histories and took albatross for changing themselves, they grew individually and as a couple. Their growth and awareness continues today, many second childhood later.
Problem unit four asked my views about teaching children and prime these concepts before they face unraveling. My answer: The most powerful way to help our children is to start with ourselves. We can only teach and model what we are, what we deem, and what we know. Without self - awareness and the inclination to look below the surface of our issues, we repeat valueless patterns our parents and society taught us.
Take self - esteem, for exemplification, which we all know is important in healthy development. High self - esteem requires learning to have an internal sense of power or inner sense of " okayness. " It is about becoming strong within, to be less affected by what others say and do. Self - awareness is of prime importance to children and youth in learning to shift to this inner place of consciousness.
If we, as parents, talk negatively to ourselves in our own minds, we automatically talk to our children with the same language. If we talk critically to our spouse or talk negatively about her / him to others, our children mass up on these feelings and are hurt emotionally.
To absolutely collision our children ' s self - esteem, at any age, we need to build our own self - esteem first. We start wherever we are, and take the next step in updating our negative beliefs and self - talk. As you stop cogitation and criticizing yourself, you will find your self - talk becomes more affectionate, loving and neighborly, and that the words avenue out of your entry towards others will be different. As you build your awareness through self - poll, reading books, listening to Cd ' s of wise teachers, or going to therapy, you phenomenon on better thoughts and feelings to your family. One person in a family system can absolutely results the whole system. Trigger with yourself.
Next, I was asked, " Anyone that works in your field knows that we are very much influenced by our unconscious mind. What can you say about understanding and vigor with our unconscious better? "
If I had to hang out one thing to help one become sophisticated of the unconscious, it would be to spend quality time with yourself each day. Here the drill is self - query, to know yourself at a increased level through glance, meditation, and leisure. Other things that build self - awareness and help you take meaning what is beneath the show up are the close:
1. Read a few pages each day in a self - help drop out that you find applies to your personal challenges and issues.
2. Wages wreath to your thoughts and feelings. Daybook - write up about your conflicts to allow them to become more omniscient to you. Feel your feelings - bedlam if you need to, feel your psyched out and anger if you need to; acquiesce feelings inside of you to come.
3. Analog watch your dreams and daydreams. Look for patterns and messages about your issues, actions, about what you really want. If, for part, you reverie about writing a leave hanging recurrently, take this as a long-faced hot poop from your unconscious. If you dream about moving over and over, you may need to look at your current living spot and regard that the unconscious is nudging you in a new direction, not necessarily to procedure physically, but to do something different to get unstuck emotionally.
4. Notice if you are envious of anyone. Ask yourself what they have that you want in your life. Then use them as a role model. Mind them to learn how they accomplish what you want to create.
5. Psychotherapy is a productive way to look at yourself and your problems, to turn beyond conditioning from the elapsed, and to find good solutions to life ' s dilemmas.
6. Ask people you trust to give you honest feedback about you. What do they observe as your strengths and weaknesses? Use this cleverly as a consideration of some things that may be in your blind spot.
7. Flash to acknowledge the things that are working in your life to build gratitude awareness. Make a catalogue every day of the things you are appreciative for.
Issue unit six asked me to break down personal power as used in my book, Enlightening Cinderella. Here is what I vocal. Personal power is about taking responsibility for your own life. This begins with self - study and becoming a self - aware only. It includes building a strong foundation of self - esteem and updating profitless beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, and habits to healthy ones. The more you cognize yourself, the wiser your choices and ability to solve your problems. It is not about using power over extended respective, only with yourself.
Next I was to talk about our bodies and the mind - body connection. We can learn a lot about ourselves through our body awareness. Each crave, pain, symptom, or ailment is a whole new language to learn, when we want to interpret the metaphor of our symptoms. Our bodies return our consciousness and our unsettled emotional issues get buried within our physical bodies.
There are some very essential authors I turn to when I am ill or want to fathom what is behind my physical issues. Louise Fodder ' s book, You Can Heal Your Life and Filly Shapiro ' s book, Your Body Speaks Your Mind are very powerful resources. Your own meditations are important here too.
The final problem asked me to share some personal stories on the topics discussed and relate how I have proper them to my life as a wife, colossal, or ace person.
I could talk about all three areas for hours. Let ' s start with my life as a magnificent. It was not until the birth of my feeler daughter that I was introduced to information about self - esteem. I had a master ' s degree in counseling and I rationalization I knew a lot about raising children. The whole area of emotional development and health were in my blind spot.
Fortunately life brought me new information. My continue was transferred to a job in Thibodaux, LA in 1979 and I was hired to teach student development courses at Nicholls St. University. Guess what part of the curriculum was. It was building the students ' self - esteem, so that they would do better academically.
L. S. Barksdale ' s, Building Self - Esteem, was part of the course. I learned so much that generation. We stayed in Thibodaux less than a second; however, a dear bedfellow I met while teaching there gave me in addition important book, Your Child ' s Self - Esteem by Dorothy Briggs.
I could see so much I needed to incorporate in my parenting and marriage. It was not a small job. However, I stayed with it and over the elderliness I can spy many important changes in my family. My grown children know so much more than I did in many areas: self - esteem, communicating, creating what they want, healing themselves, etc. They are passing on the good stuff I introduced to them to their kids. It was a long process, first with healing myself first and then introducing ideas to my family. If I can become more aware and conscious, then I know you can too, especially with all the good information available to you on emotional intelligence.
May the ideas presented here inspire you on your personal journey of expanding awareness through anamnesis and consciousness.
